Why We Don’t Do Group Circles and Crying in Robes
Because healing deserves more than a performance.
She looked at me, halfway through the first evening of a very expensive retreat she’d flown across the world to attend, and whispered: “I think I came for silence… but they keep making me talk.”
She wasn’t the only one.
There were twenty women in a circle, all dressed in soft linen robes, candles flickering, a facilitator with good intentions and questionable boundaries. They were being asked to “open up” before their nervous systems had even landed.
And that’s the problem.
The modern wellness industry sometimes mistakes exposure for intimacy, volume for depth, and emotional display for transformation.
We don’t do that here.
This is not a performance
There’s nothing inherently wrong with sitting in a circle.
There’s nothing shameful about crying.
But when it becomes expected, when the itinerary says
“Group Sharing Ceremony: Bring Your Wounds” and when women feel that if they don’t open up they’re doing it wrong, healing becomes performance. And performance becomes pressure.
At Elite Retreats, we don’t orchestrate vulnerability.
We make space for truth to arrive on its own time.
The trauma of forced intimacy
According to trauma psychologist Dr. Gabor Maté, "Real healing can only occur in a context of safety and genuine connection." Not in a room where women have only just met.
Not in a structure that rushes the soul.
A 2020 study in Frontiers in Psychology showed that when individuals are pressured to share emotionally before they feel safe, their bodies perceive it as threat, not release. Cortisol spikes. Breath shortens. Muscles tense.
In other words, the circle might look calm. But inside, some of those women are bracing. Smiling politely while disassociating.
Not everyone needs to cry
This is important. You don’t need to cry to heal. You don’t need to break down to be broken open.
Some women process in stillness. Some in movement. Some in solitude. And some in conversation, but only when they’re ready.
One woman’s “breakthrough” might be another woman’s panic attack.
That doesn’t make either wrong. But it does mean that one format doesn’t fit all.
The shadow side of sisterhood
Let’s talk about the unspoken.
There’s a kind of peer pressure in modern “sisterhood spaces.” Where if you’re not weeping, if you’re not expressing, if you’re not on the floor with your heart cracked open, you’re seen as cold. Or guarded. Or resistant. What if you’re just self-aware? What if your body says, “Not yet”? What if your silence is your softness?
The truly sacred space is the one that honors that.
What we do instead
We create luxury retreats for women who crave depth without drama.
Who want healing without spectacle.
Who long for connection without expectation.
So what does that look like?
It looks like:
Optional circle time with professional facilitation
Quiet mornings without talking
Body-based somatic sessions instead of forced group shares
One-on-one support with licensed psychologists
Unstructured time for real processing to happen privately
Environments designed for nervous system safety
This isn’t because we’re cold. It’s because we’re conscious.
The robe isn’t the problem
The irony? We love a good robe. You’ll find Frette linens and spa-level softness at every Elite Retreat. But the robe isn’t the ritual. The robe isn’t the healing.
We don’t want you to look like you’re healing. We want you to feel safe enough to not need to perform at all.
Healing isn’t loud
If your healing requires constant expression. If your growth demands group attention. If your softness only shows up when others approve. Then it’s not really yours yet.
The women who attend our retreats are often tired. Not just of life. But of having to explain their inner world to strangers who clap when they cry.
They want refinement
Depth
Luxury
and space
Real space
The kind you don’t have to fill with stories to prove you’re “doing the work”.
The alternative: Elegant healing
We believe in healing that feels like:
Waking up and not rushing to speak
Being around other women who don’t need your pain to feel bonded
Walking into a room and not needing to say a single word to be understood
Having a therapist available, not a stranger with a singing bowl
This is not an attack on circles
This is a call to intention
To structure
To safety
To softness that doesn’t shout
If you’ve ever felt like group vulnerability was too much
You’re not broken. You’re discerning. You’ve outgrown spaces where healing is loud. You want quiet. You want time. You want real
So do we
This article is part of the Elite Journal. Where healing is not a hashtag. And robes are optional.
